When my daughter was about 6 years old, she was invited to a birthday party at a trampoline park. On our way there, she told me she was scared and anxious about what to expect. It was around this time both she and I started recognizing her naturally anxious tendencies. As someone who has struggled with anxiety my whole life, I wanted to help her navigate these feelings better than I ever did.
Introducing the “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” Game:
So, on this particular drive, I introduced my little girl to a fun game I call “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Sounds positive and uplifting, right?
Yeah, she didn’t think so either.
“We take turns thinking of things that could go wrong so we can be prepared for the best way to deal with it should the worst one happen,” I explained to a very skeptical mini-me.
Using the Game to Address Anxiety:
Already close to tears, she started with something like, “They might have forgotten that I can’t eat gluten.” The repercussions of which would be “I can’t eat the cake, which would make me sad because I like cake,” “They’ll notice and think I’m rude,” or worst of all, “Someone will notice and make a fuss about me – I don’t like attention.”
From here, we talked about what we could do in those situations. For example, there will be other treats that are okay, and if she really does miss out on something, we can find an alternative after the party or at home.
Then it was my turn. “What if an elephant, that was being transported via airplane, broke loose and parachuted out of the cargo dock right above the trampoline park, fell through the ceiling, and landed on the cake! I think that would be worse than finding out there is gluten in the cake.”
The tears quickly turned into giggles.
Of course, the anxiety comes back. But we just keep taking turns until we run out of ‘realistic’ problems, and she feels somewhat prepared. On the way home, we talk about anything she felt unsure about and how she dealt with it and how she might deal with it if she ever found herself in the same position again.
Applying the Game to Decluttering:
Recognizing that fear is a common underlying cause of clutter, I use a similar strategy with myself and my clients when it comes to decluttering.
For example, in my article on perfectionism and fear of failure, I asked my client to think about what might go wrong with the project she was going to complete. “If you completely mess up that headband, what happens?” After some thought, the reply was, “I could unpick it and try again, worst case scenario it goes in the bin.” Nobody dies. Nobody cares. Nobody even has to know.
The risk with a little task is minimal, but the reward when she succeeds is groundbreaking because it’s evidence that she CAN succeed.
Likewise, when thinking about letting go of objects in our home, we can ask ourselves, “If I get rid of this, what’s the worst that can happen?” The answer is usually, “The worst that can happen is that I need it again.” Okay, so what? “What if you need it again, what can you do?” Most often, in the unlikely worst-case scenario that you find yourself in an emergency situation where a third pair of crimping scissors is required, you are likely to have enough time to come up with an alternative (like the two pairs you decided to keep) or buy a new one.
Conclusion: Embrace the Elephant Cake-Smashing Questions:
For six years, my daughter has been asking to play this game any time she’s on her way to a new environment or facing a new challenge. For the record, we’ve not had to implement the Elephant Cake Smash Contingency… yet. But you can bet we will be the most prepared women in the room when the time comes.
So, the next time you find yourself stuck in a bit of anxiety, start asking some big elephant cake-smashing questions.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
I do not mean to minimise anxiety. Mental health is no joke. Anxiety can be truly debilitating and if you are struggling I am not about to pretend that a little game is going to solve all your problems. This is merely one strategy that I’ve found helpful. Please seek help in any way that feels safe for you.
In Australia: The Black Dog Institute, Beyond Blue, or your GP are good places to start. Health Direct shares a list of helplines too.