Recently I had a free strategy session with a woman who came to me feeling completely stuck in her home and overwhelmed by decluttering advice that just didn’t work for her brain.
I’m sharing her story because honestly, she could have been any of my clients. These are themes I come across over and over again—the same struggles, the same feelings of failure, and the same lightbulb moments when we find a way forward that actually fits.
She’d tried the colour-coded labels, the Pinterest-perfect baskets, the “do it once and be done” approaches… and each time, she’d end up right back where she started: surrounded by clutter and overwhelmed.
Sound familiar?
Here’s the truth: just like diets, there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to decluttering advice and organising systems. What works beautifully for one person may fail spectacularly for another. That doesn’t mean you’re broken or lazy—it just means the system wasn’t designed for you.
The Myth of the Perfect Decluttering System
We’ve all been sold the idea that if we just find the right checklist, the right container, or the right Instagram hack, everything will magically click into place. But homes aren’t laboratories. They’re lived-in, messy, constantly changing spaces. And the people in them? We’re even more complicated.
Your brain, your family, your schedule, your energy—all of it influences whether a system sticks or slips.
And here’s the kicker: even systems that once worked perfectly can suddenly stop working. I often explain it with a parenting example. My daughter will happily eat the same food for months, and then one day—no warning—it’s on the “absolutely not” list. Systems are the same. They change with us. What worked last year may not work today, and that’s not a failure, it’s just life shifting.
Object Permanence, the D.O.O.M. Pile, and Why Decluttering Advice Falls Short
One of the biggest “aha” moments for many of my clients is understanding object permanence and ADHD.
I first came to grips with it working with a teenage client whose grandmother couldn’t understand why her room looked like chaos. But here’s what was happening: the moment something left her hand—if she wasn’t actively focusing on it—it effectively ceased to exist in her mind. It didn’t have to be hidden in a cupboard or tucked in a drawer. Just shifting her attention was enough for the item to disappear from her awareness.
That’s object permanence in action. Neurotypical brains can comfortably hold onto the idea that “just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s gone.” But for many ADHD brains, once attention moves, the object may as well not exist.
So what happens?
- Items get left out as a way of keeping them “in awareness.”
- But when too many things are left out, they merge into one faceless pile—what I sometimes call the blob.
- Over time, that blob quickly evolves into something even more familiar: the D.O.O.M. pile.
D.O.O.M. stands for Didn’t Organise, Only Moved. And it’s not just piles—D.O.O.M. can live in a drawer, a box, or even a whole room. We all recognise it, and it grows fast.
The key isn’t to shame yourself for the D.O.O.M., but to notice what it’s trying to do for you: keep things visible and “held” somewhere. Once you see that, you can experiment with ways to make visibility work without letting it tip into chaos. For example:
- Visible-but-contained: a small tray or basket where active items live, so they’re not spread across every surface.
- Limit the DOOM: give yourself permission to have one DOOM pile, but decide on its “home” (like the end of a counter or a chair). When it overflows, that’s your cue to reset.
- Switch it up: if your DOOM stops working (and it will, eventually), take it as feedback, not failure. Try a different “visible” method until you find what helps now.
None of these are meant to be silver bullets. They’re simply options you can try, adapt, and replace as life changes.
Why Tidy Spaces Matter for Emotional Wellbeing
During this session, I also emphasised something I’ve learnt over and over: there’s a deep connection between the state of our home and the state of our mind.
A tidy home doesn’t mean a perfect home, but it does mean we can breathe easier, think clearer, and feel calmer. For the main “household manager” (so often the mother), clutter doesn’t just sit on surfaces—it sits on your mind. Recognising that link is a strong starting point for making lasting change.
Small Wins That Build Momentum
Another breakthrough moment came when my client admitted she had bags of donations sitting by the back door, waiting to go.
Instead of seeing that as failure, we reframed it as progress. She’d already done the hard part—making the decision, bagging the items. All that was left was the victory lap: dropping them off.
We set a simple plan: next time she picked up her daughter from school, she’d swing by Vinnie’s and donate the bags. Then, importantly, she’d celebrate that win with her daughter.
Because those little celebrations matter. They turn decluttering into a positive experience, not just another chore. They create momentum.
Decluttering to Managing Energy, Not Just Stuff
One of the most overlooked parts of decluttering is energy. Especially for ND folk, overwhelmed/overworked, parents or people around perimenopause (hands up if you’re all that and a bag of potato chips 👋), energy levels aren’t steady—they fluctuate with hormones, mental load, and everyday life.
If you’re exhausted and trying to declutter, you’re not setting yourself up for success. Instead, I suggest noticing your energy cycles:
- Use high-energy times for bigger projects.
- Save low-energy times for gentler, low-pressure tasks.
- Allow yourself rest days without guilt.
Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is not waste your energy on strategies that don’t serve you.
The Power of Flexible Support
By the end of our conversation, she felt hopeful again. She could see that change was possible—not because she was going to magically “fix” herself, but because she had permission to find what worked for her.
And that’s the heart of what I do. My coaching isn’t about cookie-cutter systems or shaming you into tidiness. It’s about tailoring strategies to your brain, your family, your life.
Here are some of the ways we can work together:
- Hands-on support: 3-hour in-person sessions where I roll up my sleeves and work alongside you.
- Quick wins: Zoom strategy calls where we find your next best step.
- Ongoing accountability: Low-cost virtual co-working sessions where you can body-double your way through those nagging tasks.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been trying to force yourself into someone else’s organising system and it just doesn’t stick, please know this: you are not the problem. The system is.
Decluttering is about so much more than just “tidying up.” It’s about creating a home that supports you, a life that feels calmer, and systems that flex when life does.
And if you’re ready to stop forcing yourself into someone else’s box and start building your own, I’d love to help.
👉 [Book a free strategy session here]
👉 Or explore my coaching and support options
Because the best system isn’t the prettiest or the trendiest—it’s the one that works for you.